How Much Space Do You Need?

For much of human history, marriage was an economic arrangement for maintaining the property and raising children. In early civilizations, families were large because it was necessary to have enough people to work the land. Women typically married young so that they could start having children right away. Marriages were also used to form alliances between different families or to gain financial stability. These days, marriage is more about love and commitment than economics. However, the tradition of marriage still has a lot of benefits for couples and their families.

Nowadays, people expect their partner to be their soulmate. A person who fulfills all of their needs and completes them. But is this really possible? Can one person really make us happy 100% of the time? Probably not. And expecting too much from our partner can actually lead to resentment and unhappiness. It’s important to remember that we need to give ourselves and our partners some space in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Being too clingy or demanding can push our partner away and ultimately ruin the relationship. We all want someone in our lives who fulfills all our needs, whether that be sex, companionship, or emotional support. But how close do you really want to be to your partner?

Maintain your independence

When it comes to relationships, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. However, most studies on this issue assume that the closer a couple is, the happier they will be. Relationship experts generally recommend giving yourself and your partner enough space to maintain your independence and grow as individuals. While it’s important to spend time together, it’s also crucial to have time apart. This allows you to miss each other, appreciate each other more when you are together and maintain your own identities. Too much togetherness can actually lead to boredom or resentment. It’s also important to have separate friends and interests. Spending time with people who are not in your relationship can help keep things fresh and provide you with a different perspective on life. Likewise, pursuing your own hobbies and interests can make you a more interesting partner.

Closeness may be defined as the integration of another person into one’s own being.

For this reason, and because the term “closeness” is ambiguous in the sense that you might be physically close yet emotionally distant or vice versa, relationship scientists describe closeness as the extent to which your own self-concept incorporates features of your relationship partner. IOS stands for “inclusion of other in self,” and it is a term used to refer to this phenomenon. The original article by Lisa Firestone Ph.D. discusses how closeness may be defined as the integration of another person into one’s own being and how much space should be given to oneself and one’s partner. According to Firestone, people often fear closeness because it can lead to feelings of engulfment and loss of identity. She discusses how to create healthy boundaries in order to maintain both individuals’ separateness and sense of self. So closeness can be a scary thing for some people because it means losing a sense of self. But with a lack of closeness, an intimate relationship loses its core Unique Benefit and becomes identical to a good friendship or business relationship and that’s not where you want your relationship to go. But when two people become too close, they can often feel like they are merging together, which can lead to feelings of engulfment and loss of control. To maintain both individuals’ separateness and sense of self, it is important to create healthy boundaries.

Using this IOS measure, researchers discovered that deeper relationships lead to better relational and sexual pleasure, as well as greater commitment. A modern romantic perspective of marriage, in which the two lovers become one and function as soulmates, aligns with this conclusion. However, this “more is better” approach often fails in other areas of relationship research. Take sexual satisfaction for example; while it’s true that more sex usually equals more satisfaction, this isn’t always the case. In fact, sometimes having too much sex can actually lead to decreased satisfaction. This may be because when a couple is constantly having sex, they can start to feel like they’re falling into a routine instead of enjoying each intimate moment together. Additionally, if one person is always initiating sex and the other person is always saying no, this can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. When it comes to personal space, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Everyone needs different amounts of space depending on their personality and lifestyle. However, there are some general guidelines that can help you figure out how much space you and your partner should give each other.


it’s important to remember that everyone needs their own individual space. This could be time alone, time with friends, or just some downtime without the other person. Giving each other this space is essential for maintaining your individual identities and preventing the relationship from becoming too co-dependent. It’s also important to recognize that what works for one couple might not work for another. Some people need a lot of together time, while others need more space. The key is to find what works for you as a couple and to communicate openly about your needs.

In conclusion, it is important to maintain a healthy balance of closeness and independence in your relationship in order to prevent partners from feeling smothered or pushed away. Too much closeness can be a breeding ground for boredom, resentment, and eventually, separation. By remembering the importance of maintaining individuality and autonomy, couples can enjoy the benefits of intimacy while avoiding its potential pitfalls.


  1. Very true Desire! You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, but you’re starting to feel bored or even resentful of being caged in a cage. Uncertainty and wonder are how my partner and I maintain a healthy balance of closeness and independence in your relationship.

  2. I could not disagree more! For me, with all due respect,  closeness is a virtue because it allows us to remain ourselves while being intimate with someone special. It is a way to build trust and intimacy, and can ultimately lead to a stronger relationship. Being close with someone allows us to share our thoughts and feelings openly, and helps us feel supported and connected. So if you’re looking for a deeper connection with someone, closeness is my answer.

    • The best way to avoid this type of anxiety is to ensure that you and your spouse are able to maintain a healthy balance of closeness and independence in your relationship. By doing so, you can enjoy the benefits of intimacy while avoiding its potential pitfalls.

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